Not much to say

This thinking of something to write every day isn't as easy as it sounds!!  First off, I have to feel like writing about it.  Second, I have to make sure it is something fit for public consumption!  Third, I have to make it somewhat interesting.  I mean, yeah, sure, the blog is mostly for me - to empty out some of the random thoughts in my head, vent a little, babble in human words instead of talking to the dogs (I get a little lonely now and again, no human contact most of the time during the day - just the cats and dogs.  No people...) So, I consider my audience.  Sometimes, I wonder if I have one - not that it matters.  But the comments are few and far between.  Now, don't think you have to comment every time I write, or every time you read.  I just get curious sometimes, because I read other blogs, and there are ten or more comments per post.... Am I that boring? LOL... no need to answer.

I finished doing the rows on the baby blanket last night.  They didn't go as fast as I'd have liked them to.  Haven't heard yet that the baby has been born, so I'm not panicking.  Not that I would have - I had short notice, and it isn't like the gift is expected... Or that it has any kind of other deadline, like a baby shower.  But I'd still like to complete it while the baby is still a baby ;)  I'll be starting the border tonight - just a double crochet post stitch for a few rounds.  At least three, but maybe four, if the yarn holds out.  I don't know the yardage on the yarn - there is a website listed on the label, and it says to go there for free patterns, but all I got when I went there was an offer for cheap pharmaceuticals.  (Hey, I spelled that right!!  Spell checker didn't make a wiggly line under the word!! )  Anyway, there is a ball weight listed on the ball band, but not yardage.  I'm thinking of writing up my pattern for the blanket and sharing it - having a better idea of the yardages would have been nice. 

I'm running into another wall with the house.  I know what I should be doing, I know what I'd rather be doing, but neither of those are what bothers me the most.  What bothers me the most is the thing I can do the least about.  And that is only making it worse.  So, I'm having issues with setting priorities.  The kitchen is bothering me the most, because it is the least organized.  I want to get the living room into shape, because it is close.  I should be working on the craft room, because when that is done, it will help with the living room, and with the garage and basement, which will give me more storage room for the excess kitchen stuff.... So, I know what I should do, but for some reason, I can't, because I end up feeling guilty because I'm not doing more "public" parts of the house....  Argh...  So, I end up on the computer.  Not quite depressed, but certainly not in a happy place...More like, frustrated.  Every time I try to take one step forward, I take two back.  I wouldn't mind so much taking two steps forward and one back... That would be slow progress, but at least it would be progress.  Some forward movement.  But right now, I feel like every time I try to do something, I end up worse off than before.  For example, I have a pantry cupboard.  It isn't a pleasant cupboard - I think it was originally designed as a broom cupboard, but got shelves put in.  Very narrow, and deep.  So - a couple months ago, I decided to clear out any bugged stuff, sort what was good, group like things, etc.  In other words, organize and wipe down and clean it.  I feel like I was dealing with a can of worms - I have things on my table and counter that used to be in that cupboard, and I honestly am not sure what I did wrong to end up that way.  And I somehow messed up the grouping, because now I can't seem to find half of what I need easily... end up hauling stuff off two or three shelves before I find what I want.  So, I have to start over again.  :P 

So instead of doing anything, I sort of wander aimlessly, listlessly, around and putter here or there, and wonder why I even bother 'cause nothing ever turns out right.  Then, I check email, facebook, and ravelry instead.  And now that the weather has finally turned cold and snowy, I can't even just go outside and play with the dogs -which as least something productive.  I went to a councellor for a while, to help me get over the depression, and she suggested I try to learn to love my house again, the way I love my dogs.  To treat the house as if it were a "rescue" and needed me as much as or at least the same sort of way the dogs do.  I'm trying that - but it is awfully hard; I can see progress in the dogs' behaviour, but the house seem to get worse instead of better - the two steps back thing....

Well, all I can do is keep plugging away at it- do a little at a time, try to take those steps forward.  Eventually, there will be enough progress to make it noticeable, and then I'll take some sort of pride in it again, and start to care about the house, and then I'll be able to tackle the bigger parts.  At least, that is what I keep telling myself....